Tutorial for Men on Effective Use of DV Allegations

Realistically, asserting domestic violence claims against women is not an effective tactic for men.

Everyone knows that men can’t possibly be victims of domestic violence.

If he claims he is a victim, he’s lying.

If he has injuries, he got them from the woman defending herself against his abuse.

If he’s dead, she was a Battered Woman who killed him in self-defense (even with 52 stab wounds in the back).

If you are a man who thinks he is a victim of domestic violence, call the local domestic violence hotline, and tell them what has happened to you. The conversation should go something like this:

HOTLINE: Domestic violence hotline, can I help you?

MAN: Um, I think I might need some help.

HOTLINE: What kind of help?

MAN: Well, my wife gets really angry and screams at me, and sometimes she hits me.

HOTLINE: Do you have any proof of that?

MAN: Well, no, she does it when no one else is around. She also threatens me that if I ever tell anyone, she’ll take our son and leave, and tell the police I’ve been beating her up and sexually abusing him.

HOTLINE: What did you do to make her so angry at you?

MAN: Nothing. She’s constantly critical of everything I do. She’s extremely jealous, calling me all day checking up on me. She accuses me of having an affair whenever I even talk to some other woman. And she won’t let me spend hardly any time with our son. She says I’m not good enough taking care of him.

HOTLINE: You must have done something to make her mad enough to hit you, that is, if she really did hit you.

MAN: The last time it happened I told her I wanted a divorce, and I wanted to have equal custody of our son. She screamed and swore at me, pushed me against the kitchen counter then started pounding on my chest.

HOTLINE: Well it didn’t hurt you or anything.

MAN: I don’t know, I was just trying to get away.

HOTLINE: Did you grab her or push her away?

MAN: I yelled at her to stop it. She got madder and madder, and just kept hitting me. Finally I grabbed her arms to get her to stop, pushed her back and ran out of the room.

HOTLINE: So you did assault her. Did she call 911?

MAN: No, she ran after me, grabbed my arm and hit me in the face with a meat tenderizer. I have a big red bumpy square mark on my right cheek. I told the guys at work I ran into a heating coil while I was working on the furnace.

HOTLINE: Well, we can definitely help you. Number one, don’t report any of this to the police. It will only inflame your wife and escalate the situation. Two, you need to move out, so your wife can have some personal space without you around. Obviously, your presence makes her angry and she can’t be a good mother when you’re creating such a hostile environment. Three, you need to go to counseling to control your inappropriate behavior. Violence against women is always wrong, and you have no right to touch her ever, for any reason. We have several batterers’ programs in this area that will know just how to deal with your controlling, abusive, violent nature. Men like you are always in denial, always blaming the woman for your actions. You need to be held accountable for your abuse of her. I just hope that you have not permanently damaged your son by demonstrating that violence is how to get your way.

MAN: Batterers’ treatment? I’ve never battered her. She’s the one who batters me.

HOTLINE: Don’t get uppity with me, buster. Guys like you get their way through brute force and intimidation. I’m not going to let you abuse me too. Now take down this number and get yourself into treatment before you hurt or kill more innocent women and children. 206-555-6666. Ask for the intake counselor and have your VISA or MasterCard ready.

MAN: OK, but shouldn’t she go to some kind of treatment too?

HOTLINE: Of course, we have battered women’s victim counseling, support groups, free housing, legal help, interior design services, discount car insurance, and dart boards with their husband’s pictures on them available for our women clients here at the coven, er, shelter.

MAN: OK, thanks for the help, I guess.

HOTLINE: Thanks for calling the Domestic Violence Hotline. [Click].

Content for this page has been provided by your friendly local taxpayer-funded domestic violence advocates. More funding is always needed to help innocent abused women. Contact your state and federal lawmakers and demand increased appropriations for these programs.

Violence Against Women: When Billions is Not Enough.